Dear Climate Therapist, my partner fears for our future together. I fear for the planet. Do I have to choose?

When love and climate activism collide

Yes, friends. This is really happening – the dizzying déjà vu of kakistocracy holding the reins in the US once again, this time more organized and impactful in its ability to destroy institutions that protect the public good, and people’s rights, than ever before. Institutional betrayal on mega-mode. So, perhaps you’ve felt like doing something about it? Or upping the ante on ways you’re already fighting for change? This week’s reader question for our resident climate-aware therapist Kyle Hill is all about that urge, its importance, and how it can sometimes cause conflict in our closest relationships that we must navigate with skill.

Before we get to that, I want to suggest a couple things: 1) During this time of “drill baby drill” slogans, it’s more important than ever to endorse the Fossil Fuel Non-Proliferation Treaty (my biggest crush in climate campaign form! This baby’s got traction.) 2) Sign up for Bill McKibben’s Substack The Crucial Years if you haven’t already and learn about the new offering for joyous resistance and climate protections at the local, community-level that he is planning, with a kickoff in 6 weeks. It’s much more than a campaign - it’s a new way for us to have fun while fighting back, called SUN DAY! 3) If you can get behind the paywall, here’s a good read for dear ones in the US in search of some active hope and inspiration on how to fight like hell at this time: Ayana Elizabeth Johnson’s piece in the Rolling Stone What Now for Climate Under Trump? Act Locally.

Now, over to our reader Split in Two, and their question for our climate therapist column.

Design by Unthinkable.

Dear Climate Therapist,

I want to up the ante on my climate activism. I feel so passionately about the need to do everything I can, up to and including participating in actions that may get me arrested. I see it as an act of solidarity with those who are on the frontlines, and a way to live alongside my values. But my partner disagrees. They're worried about the implications of my activism on our futures and career paths. I feel as if I'm split in two. There's my 'normal' life and relationships that predate my concerns about the climate, and then this other side. For a while, they could co-exist. Now I'm not so sure. How can I navigate personal relationships without compromising on what I feel called to do?

- Split in Two

Dear Split in Two,

Oh, relationships. The dynamics of selfhood, unity, harmony and balance seem to constantly challenge us as we reconcile with the fundamental state of enmeshed togetherness. Relationships are dictated by the growth of each individual, and the work committed by each counterpart to stretch beyond what was previously thought possible. Some people call them ruptures, but many times these are “calls to action”, in and of themselves, to consider how the relationship can accommodate new behaviors that are a response to our innate humanness and the conflicts that manifest along the course of our lives.

Your interest in climate activism clearly emanates from a belief in and value of our natural world, recognizing that we literally cannot survive without the miraculous harvest of our local ecosystems when we nurture them. So, when our ecosystems are struggling, it is incumbent on us to support our mother earth as caretakers and stewards of our lands and ecosystems. Many times, in the most dire of circumstances, this is a call to the frontlines to resist extractive capitalist industries and projects that undermine planetary health.

Here are a few options that might help you: First, when we are on the frontlines, organizing and supporting non-violent direct actions, there are a number of roles we can take. Among others, we can be involved in blockades, climbing, creative resistance, police liaisons, care bears, or assisting in other ways. Each of these areas requires some amount of risk, though, some more than others. Some of these roles I would describe as a red area, or one that would likely result in high probability of arrest, like climbing and hanging a banner. While others would be categorized as yellow or green, meaning that the likelihood of arrest is quite low, and for people like me with young children, that is the only option. Suffice it to say, not all roles will result in arrest, but if that’s something that you’re willing to put yourself out there for, it is admirable and noble, comrade.

As for your relationship, I would say this is an opportunity to grow. With communication and compromise, you might find that your partnership gets stronger. In fact, I would not be surprised if your partner was marching, protesting, chanting and linking arms right along with you.

In solidarity,

Kyle

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‘Till next time!

In community,

Britt