Thank you Britt for tackling such an important matter! I particularly like "Society can generate empathy for women who can’t have children for physical reasons, but when the reasons have to do with their mental state (which is just as valid of a roadblock as an ovarian disorder) that empathy often evaporates." This is definitely a conversation worth having in all of our homes!
I actually thought this article would be about dealing with your own judgment of people who are having children. Frankly, that's where I'm at and that's the bigger challenge for me. Not really concerned about the judgement of others. I find myself at a total impasse, like I'm staring at a creation from another universe - how could you possibly think having kids right now is a good idea? What information about the climate and extinction crises has not reached you? I am boggled at the choice - not just for the kids, but for a planet that is begging for less humans. I would love any tips you have for navigating this and bringing acceptance to the table.
Gotcha. I used to feel that way. I don't anymore, and am actually a new mother myself, so I guess to state the obvious, I've processed these feelings in a variety of ways. It's a huge question, and I can't do it justice in a comment. I write about it in my book Generation Dread, which aims to look at the many sides of this complex topic. The topic of 'internal activism' that I explore, as framed through the work of climate-aware therapist Caroline Hickman, has been hugely constructive for me on this point. So too has looking at the rich history (and present) of communities who have long lived on the knife's edge of existential threat, and found ways to keep making meaning, and find joy, and live with purpose and love, no matter how despairing a surrounding situation may be. Positive existential psychology, Man's Search for Meaning (book), meaning-focused coping, intergenerational and ancestral wisdom, all relevant to this Q. Also accepting that there is no "right" answer, there's just what is right for you.
Thanks for this comment, hard agree with all of it. Even people who see children as a symbol of hope & say that people have always had children in hard times, it just doesn't seem like they're truly considering the life of their child, what their child will face, esp once the parents are gone. It stil feels like a selfish view, like the parents dismiss the child's future life because they want the experience of having a child. It flabbergasts & saddens me. And as you said, the planet & all the other species are begging for less humans! And this is only the climate aspect, there's also increased cost of living, lack of accessible & affordable healthcare, struggling education system, increases in mental illness, etc.
This is a very useful overview of the harrowing issues facing potential parents - great work. The theme of youth betrayal by the older is also central to my work. If anyone is ready for a radical message on youth survival, see ecologicalsurvival.org.
OK I am way late to this forum and maybe you won't even see this comment but here is where I'm at with this: after years of agonizing about the decision my husband and I decided to have a baby, but just ONE. Best of both worlds, we thought. We could experience parenthood while still reducing the size of our family in the next generation. Etc etc. So we had a baby and she is amazing. The best thing I've ever done. She's five now and about a year ago she started asking me, often begging me, for a sibling. Ak! I hadn't thought about this possibility! My hubby and I are actually both only children and neither of us ever wanted a sibling. I never thought about it! And now my beloved child is asking me to make another human and I don't know how to respond to her without saying "I decided not to make any more people other than you because the planet is dying and there are already too many people using too few resources." OBVIOUSLY I can't say that! And she pulls on my heart strings, and honestly, ever since I had her my whole perspective changed and now my main priority is for HER life to be happy and good and maybe, if the apocalypse is coming, it would be better for her to go through it with a sibling?? I agonize over this. All. The. Time. And of course the "when are you going to give her a sibling" questions never stop. Her HAIRDRESSER asked me just the other day. Practically a stranger. And to deepen the complexity I am about to turn 40 so honestly it's almost too late and anyway my hubby is still very much on the One And Done train, so really it's all moot.... Which is good. Because this was the plan. Because of the apocalypse. Right?
I guess I just needed to share. Was hoping there were others out there in my boat to commiserate with.
Thank you for sharing, and I see/understand your agony. My situation is different, but similar in as much as being someone who has had her fair share of nights lying awake pondering what giving my son a sibling would mean/look like/how that would shake out with the way in which I'm doing climate-aware parenting. For many of us with singles it is not an easy decision. Hope you can find some levity and peace in it as you end up arriving at whatever is right for you and your fam.
I remain puzzled as to why young people are questioning parenthood because of climate change, but seemingly have little to no interest in questioning parenthood because of nuclear weapons, a much more imminent threat. There's a lesson in there somewhere about how the group consensus is formed and maintained.
My wife and I didn't have kids, and that didn't stop us from having 40 years of a great marriage. Either way a couple gets a lot, and misses out on a lot, so you just have to make peace with whatever you get and whatever you miss.
I think this is really insightful: "Either way a couple gets a lot, and misses out on a lot, so you just have to make peace with whatever you get and whatever you miss." 100%. Since having a baby this is just so clearly true (the sacrifice involved, the things you give up) but also the things we get from the experience that I could not have understood before. I write a bit in Generation Dread about someone from Physicians for Social Responsibility who is an anti-nuclear activist and has tied reproductive concerns to that issue for decades, and his puzzlement at millennials and Gen Z who don't get energized by the nuclear threat because climate has subsumed this part of their 'apocalyptic consciousness'.
Yea, maybe there's just so many apocalyptic issues any one brain can manage.
Maybe one reason young people are more oriented towards climate change is that challenge offers more opportunities for personal action. Another reason might be that climate change events like fires and floods etc are ready made news stories, so the media focuses on them quite a bit.
There hasn't been a nuclear detonation since before almost all of us were born, so that threat seems more abstract, almost a part of history.
To me, climate change and nuclear weapons are a single story, because long before climate change destroys the environment it's going to drive geo-political instability.
This is probably harder for younger people to grasp, but we're all going to die of something someday even in the best of circumstances. Apocalyptic issues can have the constructive effect of encouraging us to work on our relationship with that. As example, near death experiences, while not proof of anything, offer a quite optimistic vision of our long term future.
Unfortunately, the article and video were mostly dreadful narrative/images with a few hopeful ideas at the end. I thought that part of Gen Dred approach was to move away from this doom and gloom messaging? In your next article, please tell young people some good news. Statistics show us that human health and affluence has improved and life expectancy has increased, especially among the populations in lower income countries. https://www.gapminder.org/fw/world-health-chart/ And birth rates usually decline as people become more affluent. The American people and leaders have defined and solved big problems before - like poor air quality, polluted waters, the ozone hole - and we will again. Climate change is a great challenge, one that we will rise to better if young people have a broader historical perspective to support hope and action.
Thanks for spending some time with our words, and for sharing your perspective. We’re grateful for people like you who choose to engage with these sometimes difficult topics rather than turn away.
We did not write this issue of Gen Dread from a place of doom and gloom; it’s in fact quite the opposite. We wrote it to help those people struggling, questioning, and agonizing about whether or not to have kids in a climate crisis. To make them feel seen, supported, and included in the climate discourse. We feel that the more people in our society that are cared for, acknowledged, and brought into community, the likelier it becomes that we can all work together effectively on concrete climate solutions. People can’t take action when they feel ostracized or isolated from the group, or when they feel that their unique lived experiences are being ignored or belittled. In this issue of Gen Dread, we wanted to speak to a demographic that isn’t frequently represented in the climate conversation, because we want to create as much connection between climate-aware folks as possible. And we think you’ll find there’s actually a ton of hope and optimism in that idea.
Thank you Britt for tackling such an important matter! I particularly like "Society can generate empathy for women who can’t have children for physical reasons, but when the reasons have to do with their mental state (which is just as valid of a roadblock as an ovarian disorder) that empathy often evaporates." This is definitely a conversation worth having in all of our homes!
Thank you Anne Therese!
I actually thought this article would be about dealing with your own judgment of people who are having children. Frankly, that's where I'm at and that's the bigger challenge for me. Not really concerned about the judgement of others. I find myself at a total impasse, like I'm staring at a creation from another universe - how could you possibly think having kids right now is a good idea? What information about the climate and extinction crises has not reached you? I am boggled at the choice - not just for the kids, but for a planet that is begging for less humans. I would love any tips you have for navigating this and bringing acceptance to the table.
Gotcha. I used to feel that way. I don't anymore, and am actually a new mother myself, so I guess to state the obvious, I've processed these feelings in a variety of ways. It's a huge question, and I can't do it justice in a comment. I write about it in my book Generation Dread, which aims to look at the many sides of this complex topic. The topic of 'internal activism' that I explore, as framed through the work of climate-aware therapist Caroline Hickman, has been hugely constructive for me on this point. So too has looking at the rich history (and present) of communities who have long lived on the knife's edge of existential threat, and found ways to keep making meaning, and find joy, and live with purpose and love, no matter how despairing a surrounding situation may be. Positive existential psychology, Man's Search for Meaning (book), meaning-focused coping, intergenerational and ancestral wisdom, all relevant to this Q. Also accepting that there is no "right" answer, there's just what is right for you.
Compassion for others, as well as compassion for self, is key.
Super helpful. Thanks for the tips, Britt!
Thanks for this comment, hard agree with all of it. Even people who see children as a symbol of hope & say that people have always had children in hard times, it just doesn't seem like they're truly considering the life of their child, what their child will face, esp once the parents are gone. It stil feels like a selfish view, like the parents dismiss the child's future life because they want the experience of having a child. It flabbergasts & saddens me. And as you said, the planet & all the other species are begging for less humans! And this is only the climate aspect, there's also increased cost of living, lack of accessible & affordable healthcare, struggling education system, increases in mental illness, etc.
This is a very useful overview of the harrowing issues facing potential parents - great work. The theme of youth betrayal by the older is also central to my work. If anyone is ready for a radical message on youth survival, see ecologicalsurvival.org.
OK I am way late to this forum and maybe you won't even see this comment but here is where I'm at with this: after years of agonizing about the decision my husband and I decided to have a baby, but just ONE. Best of both worlds, we thought. We could experience parenthood while still reducing the size of our family in the next generation. Etc etc. So we had a baby and she is amazing. The best thing I've ever done. She's five now and about a year ago she started asking me, often begging me, for a sibling. Ak! I hadn't thought about this possibility! My hubby and I are actually both only children and neither of us ever wanted a sibling. I never thought about it! And now my beloved child is asking me to make another human and I don't know how to respond to her without saying "I decided not to make any more people other than you because the planet is dying and there are already too many people using too few resources." OBVIOUSLY I can't say that! And she pulls on my heart strings, and honestly, ever since I had her my whole perspective changed and now my main priority is for HER life to be happy and good and maybe, if the apocalypse is coming, it would be better for her to go through it with a sibling?? I agonize over this. All. The. Time. And of course the "when are you going to give her a sibling" questions never stop. Her HAIRDRESSER asked me just the other day. Practically a stranger. And to deepen the complexity I am about to turn 40 so honestly it's almost too late and anyway my hubby is still very much on the One And Done train, so really it's all moot.... Which is good. Because this was the plan. Because of the apocalypse. Right?
I guess I just needed to share. Was hoping there were others out there in my boat to commiserate with.
Thank you for sharing, and I see/understand your agony. My situation is different, but similar in as much as being someone who has had her fair share of nights lying awake pondering what giving my son a sibling would mean/look like/how that would shake out with the way in which I'm doing climate-aware parenting. For many of us with singles it is not an easy decision. Hope you can find some levity and peace in it as you end up arriving at whatever is right for you and your fam.
Thank you for your answer and for creating this community!
I remain puzzled as to why young people are questioning parenthood because of climate change, but seemingly have little to no interest in questioning parenthood because of nuclear weapons, a much more imminent threat. There's a lesson in there somewhere about how the group consensus is formed and maintained.
My wife and I didn't have kids, and that didn't stop us from having 40 years of a great marriage. Either way a couple gets a lot, and misses out on a lot, so you just have to make peace with whatever you get and whatever you miss.
I think this is really insightful: "Either way a couple gets a lot, and misses out on a lot, so you just have to make peace with whatever you get and whatever you miss." 100%. Since having a baby this is just so clearly true (the sacrifice involved, the things you give up) but also the things we get from the experience that I could not have understood before. I write a bit in Generation Dread about someone from Physicians for Social Responsibility who is an anti-nuclear activist and has tied reproductive concerns to that issue for decades, and his puzzlement at millennials and Gen Z who don't get energized by the nuclear threat because climate has subsumed this part of their 'apocalyptic consciousness'.
Yea, maybe there's just so many apocalyptic issues any one brain can manage.
Maybe one reason young people are more oriented towards climate change is that challenge offers more opportunities for personal action. Another reason might be that climate change events like fires and floods etc are ready made news stories, so the media focuses on them quite a bit.
There hasn't been a nuclear detonation since before almost all of us were born, so that threat seems more abstract, almost a part of history.
To me, climate change and nuclear weapons are a single story, because long before climate change destroys the environment it's going to drive geo-political instability.
This is probably harder for younger people to grasp, but we're all going to die of something someday even in the best of circumstances. Apocalyptic issues can have the constructive effect of encouraging us to work on our relationship with that. As example, near death experiences, while not proof of anything, offer a quite optimistic vision of our long term future.
Unfortunately, the article and video were mostly dreadful narrative/images with a few hopeful ideas at the end. I thought that part of Gen Dred approach was to move away from this doom and gloom messaging? In your next article, please tell young people some good news. Statistics show us that human health and affluence has improved and life expectancy has increased, especially among the populations in lower income countries. https://www.gapminder.org/fw/world-health-chart/ And birth rates usually decline as people become more affluent. The American people and leaders have defined and solved big problems before - like poor air quality, polluted waters, the ozone hole - and we will again. Climate change is a great challenge, one that we will rise to better if young people have a broader historical perspective to support hope and action.
Thanks for spending some time with our words, and for sharing your perspective. We’re grateful for people like you who choose to engage with these sometimes difficult topics rather than turn away.
We did not write this issue of Gen Dread from a place of doom and gloom; it’s in fact quite the opposite. We wrote it to help those people struggling, questioning, and agonizing about whether or not to have kids in a climate crisis. To make them feel seen, supported, and included in the climate discourse. We feel that the more people in our society that are cared for, acknowledged, and brought into community, the likelier it becomes that we can all work together effectively on concrete climate solutions. People can’t take action when they feel ostracized or isolated from the group, or when they feel that their unique lived experiences are being ignored or belittled. In this issue of Gen Dread, we wanted to speak to a demographic that isn’t frequently represented in the climate conversation, because we want to create as much connection between climate-aware folks as possible. And we think you’ll find there’s actually a ton of hope and optimism in that idea.
Thanks again for being here!
The Gen Dread team
Gen S: https://glennaalbrecht.wordpress.com/2017/02/25/children-in-the-symbiocene/
Thanks Glenn, appreciate your thoughts on this. Symbiocene babies bring me joy. Mentioned you in a presentation I gave tonight, actually!